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Changing from Goal => Destination
To Goal => Guide.
Hey All,
I was at the pool this week reading a book called, Emotional Agility, by Susan David. It's a psychologist's take on how our programming as kids impacts how we process emotions as adults (basically what I do through 1:1 energy work). I hopped in the water to cool off for a bit and when I looked up I saw a STUNNING man lying in the chair in front of me. He looked like Superman with a tan...sans wedding ring. Words cannot describe how attractive this guy was. I thought for sure he was a model.
I asked my server, Sarah, if she knew who he was and before I even told her which guy I was talking about, she said, "Bed 11. I know. He's incredible. All I can tell you is he's very polite and funny. My gay-dar isn't going off and there's no wedding ring." (Great minds think alike.)
I tore out the title page of Emotional Agility and wrote, "Hey! I noticed you at the pool and wanted to spread a little joy and tell you I think you are SO handsome! If you'd like to grab a drink, here's my website so you can check me out. Didn't want to say anything in person in case you'd feel uncomfortable!! Text if you're single! Have a great day, Lizzi Cutler"
Now I'm cringing at the opening run-on sentence...
It took me some time to build up the chutzpah - I enlisted my sister and a bestie for feedback. They both said, "DO IT!" I figured the worst case was I'd make someone smile and had absolutely nothing to lose. So, I packed up my gear (I OBVIOUSLY couldn't stay when he read the note) and asked Sarah to deliver it for me.
As I was leaving, I ran into a friend who stood watch for me. She texted to report that he smiled and laughed when he read it...success! The next day, I received a DM saying that he was very flattered AND married. We exchanged kind notes and that was that! (After I scrolled through his Instagram page and saw his lovely family.)
Here's what I noticed stirring in my head...
1. When I first saw him, I thought there was NO WAY a guy like that would date me. I took a nosedive into, "I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, chic enough for a guy that far out of my league."
2. I've done SO MUCH work on this and had to shift judgment that it's STILL an effort to recognize negative thoughts and decide what to believe or dismiss. Will this ever be a natural response?!?!
3. I didn't want to share the experience with you out of my own embarrassment that I'm "still" single and haven't met someone I've been interested in. I realized I see it as a personal flaw...more edits.
I've said this to other clients and know it's applicable to me, "there's always work to be done." The idea that at some point we're "done" feels like a recipe for hard-core disappointment. From what I've seen with clients, friends, and my own journey, our struggles and lessons are always presenting themselves as ways to grow. (Cliche AND Truth!)
Clearly, my work these days is to practice being vulnerable (without judgment) and taking risks by speaking my truth. Sometimes that truth is in paying compliments to complete strangers!!!
Here's your challenge for the week:
In the words of the 18 Lululemon bags we all have piled in a cabinet, "DO ONE THING A DAY THAT SCARES YOU!" Take a risk, give a stranger a compliment, ask for what you need, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!
Email me, DM me, tell me about it!
I'm going to keep telling handsome (ring-less) strangers that I think they're handsome.
I'm going to do my edits to delete the voice in my head spouting not-enoughnesses.
I'm going to appreciate that I get to the good thoughts faster than I did 6 months ago and THAT IS PROGRESS!
I'm going to remember that I'm EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be mentally, physically and spiritually.
I'm going to keep putting myself out there!
What are you going to do?!?! Want some ideas??? Let's dig in!
Hey All,
I’ve started running outside again now that Chicago went from 30 degrees to 90 within what feels like 2 weeks. I was out the other day, about to hit my 1/2 way mark when I passed a man running with his shirt off.
I thought about ditching my tank top and run in a sports bra, like I see so many other lovely ladies in all shapes and sizes do, and danced around what it is that holds me back.
Here’s the truth.
Since I was about 15, I’ve felt fat. Specifically, in the “love handle” department. I have NEVER worn a crop top and don’t love when I have to be in a bikini with others. AND, I know intellectually, I am not overweight. In my head, both are true. I am not thin/toned enough to show my belly AND I’m not fat.
I can remember MULTIPLE occasions as a little girl when both of my parents would talk about their midsection (spare tires/love handles/belly) and say, “You’re going to have this too, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I had a partner say things like, “Don’t worry babe, you’ll lose the weight,” as a response to telling him how liberating it was to NOT think about my body image for a 2 week period. And, “You already had dessert,” in response to me asking him if he wanted another piece of chocolate. (we’ll get into the gaslighting party in another episode!)
I’ve also had a different partner tell me how beautiful he thought my body was, but that one didn’t resonate as loud as the negative comments!
Here’s what I know...whatever I believe to be true is what will be amplified when someone else says it. If I don’t believe it, it will never land.
No matter how many times a man tells me my body is beautiful, if I don’t feel that way in my skin, I’ll always be thinking, “he might say that now, but he just hasn’t seen X yet.” IT MUST COME FROM WITHIN!
I’m 5’5” - if someone is poking fun at me for being so tall, it’s going to roll off my back. I have dark brown hair, if someone called me a “dumb blonde,” it wouldn’t land. The same has to be true when a jerk says I don’t need another dessert or tells me I’ll lose the extra lbs I put on. I have to KNOW with every fiber of my soul that I am beautiful inside and out whether I have a flat belly or the most luscious muffin-top ever.
My parents didn’t mean to create body-image issues when they commented about their bodies and I was too young to understand it was NOT a fact! But it landed like a ton of bricks. I do energy edits regularly to help delete the thinking that in order to be desired, I can’t have any curves. I’ve come a VERY long way and...It. Is. WORK!
Ladies and Gentlemen, wouldn’t it feel amazing to strut our stuff knowing we are the very best versions of ourselves regardless of what jiggles and what doesn’t?!?!?! (literally AND figuratively!)
It’s up to me to dig in and decide what programming I’m keeping and what I want to delete. It’s also up to me to change what I believe to be true. Not just wish it to be true through mantras on my mirror...TRULY believe. When I do the work and change my beliefs, it won’t matter if some ass makes a comment about my perfectly imperfect bod, it won’t land!!!
What programming do you want to delete? Listen to what you’re telling yourself and ask, “IS THIS TRUE? Do I want to keep it? Where did it come from?” PULL THAT SHIT OUT!!!!!! Is there anything you’re telling yourself you’re not enough of??? Start there! Look at what triggers you. What makes you feel insecure? The first step is in recognizing it. THEN EMAIL ME!!!!! (lizzi@lizzicutler.com)
Are you REALLY not smart enough for the career you desire? Are you REALLY not good enough to manifest a higher salary/better relationship/higher self-esteem? If you need help (I needed help when I started this!) Please reach out! This work can be challenging AND it’s HUGELY impactful.
Most of us have old programming swirling around keeping us small. Are you ready to upgrade your software?!?!?!? Please share your stories with me!
Email me back! What you ready to let go of? Where did it come from? What can you use a little help with??? I've got you!!!
Can’t wait to hear from you.
Sending Love,
Lizzi
PS. If you have anything you'd like to hear me write about, let me know! What triggers are coming up for you? As the world opens back up, what's been coming up in your mind? What are you stressing about as you try to fall asleep?
PPS. Listen to me chat about what I do, why I do it and how it all came to be on these podcast episodes that recently came out:
Discovering what makes someone an expert. Owning my truth and doing the work to become in touch with my true wants. Releasing the need to please others in order to please myself.
Making a simple suggestion that may create big change - start to substitute the word “need” with “want.”
Release the shame that's keeping you small. How I decided to face the fear and put my authentic self out there regardless of what the bullies in my head would think or say. Where are you holding back? How can I help you step into your light?