Hey All,
I was at the pool this week reading a book called, Emotional Agility, by Susan David. It's a psychologist's take on how our programming as kids impacts how we process emotions as adults (basically what I do through 1:1 energy work). I hopped in the water to cool off for a bit and when I looked up I saw a STUNNING man lying in the chair in front of me. He looked like Superman with a tan...sans wedding ring. Words cannot describe how attractive this guy was. I thought for sure he was a model.
I asked my server, Sarah, if she knew who he was and before I even told her which guy I was talking about, she said, "Bed 11. I know. He's incredible. All I can tell you is he's very polite and funny. My gay-dar isn't going off and there's no wedding ring." (Great minds think alike.)
I tore out the title page of Emotional Agility and wrote, "Hey! I noticed you at the pool and wanted to spread a little joy and tell you I think you are SO handsome! If you'd like to grab a drink, here's my website so you can check me out. Didn't want to say anything in person in case you'd feel uncomfortable!! Text if you're single! Have a great day, Lizzi Cutler"
Now I'm cringing at the opening run-on sentence...
It took me some time to build up the chutzpah - I enlisted my sister and a bestie for feedback. They both said, "DO IT!" I figured the worst case was I'd make someone smile and had absolutely nothing to lose. So, I packed up my gear (I OBVIOUSLY couldn't stay when he read the note) and asked Sarah to deliver it for me.
As I was leaving, I ran into a friend who stood watch for me. She texted to report that he smiled and laughed when he read it...success! The next day, I received a DM saying that he was very flattered AND married. We exchanged kind notes and that was that! (After I scrolled through his Instagram page and saw his lovely family.)
Here's what I noticed stirring in my head...
1. When I first saw him, I thought there was NO WAY a guy like that would date me. I took a nosedive into, "I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, chic enough for a guy that far out of my league."
2. I've done SO MUCH work on this and had to shift judgment that it's STILL an effort to recognize negative thoughts and decide what to believe or dismiss. Will this ever be a natural response?!?!
3. I didn't want to share the experience with you out of my own embarrassment that I'm "still" single and haven't met someone I've been interested in. I realized I see it as a personal flaw...more edits.
I've said this to other clients and know it's applicable to me, "there's always work to be done." The idea that at some point we're "done" feels like a recipe for hard-core disappointment. From what I've seen with clients, friends, and my own journey, our struggles and lessons are always presenting themselves as ways to grow. (Cliche AND Truth!)
Clearly, my work these days is to practice being vulnerable (without judgment) and taking risks by speaking my truth. Sometimes that truth is in paying compliments to complete strangers!!!
Here's your challenge for the week:
In the words of the 18 Lululemon bags we all have piled in a cabinet, "DO ONE THING A DAY THAT SCARES YOU!" Take a risk, give a stranger a compliment, ask for what you need, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!
Email me, DM me, tell me about it!
I'm going to keep telling handsome (ring-less) strangers that I think they're handsome.
I'm going to do my edits to delete the voice in my head spouting not-enoughnesses.
I'm going to appreciate that I get to the good thoughts faster than I did 6 months ago and THAT IS PROGRESS!
I'm going to remember that I'm EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be mentally, physically and spiritually.
I'm going to keep putting myself out there!
What are you going to do?!?! Want some ideas??? Let's dig in!
